JenVan

I promised myself I wouldnt step on the scale this week - I would just forget about the weight factor and try to eat healthy foods. But I did get on the scale - and appaently I have put on about 10 pounds this month.

I dont know how that happened- I understand that I’m eating more partcially because of the depression but I can’t help but feel that putting back on that much extra weight is only going to ‘fuel the fire’ as far as negative thinking goes. I feel like im constantly fighting with myself here - I dont want to gain more weight. I also don’t want to be a person who sais that she was ‘bad’ today because she didnt workout or eat well … but I feel bad !!! I let myself down , I really cared about my health and now its like this constant burden that I would rather ignore - but if I ignore it I end up putting on 10 pounds !!! I dont want to beat myself up about this but I really can’t help but do so - I know this weight gain IS my fault - and now I have to sit here and live with it . I guess I’ll go for a run now.

To end on a positive note … at least I have an outlet for these thoughts now - usually im so in my head about my weight and health - its probobly best that I air out my mind every once and a while.

With the day not going perfectly - I am happy that I was able to stick to my diet and exercise plan today - which was not bad at all ! I have set some realistic goals for myself and I feel good knowing that I have an action plan.